Having several roles and amanah which every one of them requires focus 💯% gives the taste of unique satisfaction. The kind of satisfaction for having self-actualization in which not all people can get the opportunity. In the other hand, there were some moments where I have to accept the fact that not every thing can be always done 💯%. This is one of the perks of being in competition and point based education for so long: maximazion. I don’t really have the ability and patience to coupe with failure or imperfection, yet it happened everyday. Either it’s related with study or another task or deal with my kids which resulting little stress feeling. Surpressed feeling like this could build up into easy-to-blow emotion.
Remind back. Actually all of my amanah are exciting. Maybe some people will give everything just to have one of what I can experience during time trying the best to deal with those amanah. Many many thanks to Allah for the blessings.
One thing I realize that leads to the stress: forget to enjoy the process.
Having kids is the greatest blessing. Though sometimes I could go to an empty room just to take a deep breath for having a blow out toward my first kid. Every blow out leads to incompetent and failed as being a mother. More stress. Easier to have another blow out. If only I could always remember that playing with kids is joyfull. Being a mother needs a constant reminder too that it is a blessing not a burden. Though a day could passed by without any ‘real’ work done. Well, again, I should constantly redefine the word ‘real work’ here. Every activities regarding the kids are real works too. There’s no such thing as useless activities. This! This! Remember this and enjoy the process.
Going back to school is also a bless. It’s not supposed to be a thing that making stress. Though I feel like always being on the run because it felt like there’s never enough reading or writing done. On the run because there’s always not enough time.
I should remember again that having new knowledge is fun. Knowing new things is fun. Broaden point view is exciting. This! This! Please, remember this mi..
Deal with students with any kind of problems is also a bless. I could challenge my problem solving, patience, and implement every knowledge I know into the real life. I could also realize the dream of making my self useful for others. Not to mention I have the opportunity to challenge new theory and thinking framework I learned in doctoral program into implementation in real case. People will trade life just to have this kind of work and experience. Heart warming and heart full-filling activities. So, there’s no reason to be stress or feeling sad. Remember this, mi!
Last, there’s no single day has passed without I feel so incompetent for being Allah servant. Forcing my self to do prayer or recite Quran only leads to another failure in attempt to become better moslem. I forget that prayer and recite Quran is basic human needs and fitrah. No need to force self, right? Just remember who I am, connect more to Allah, and I should find prayer and recite Quran are enjoyable. It’s should be the best moment in a day. If it’s not, then I do it the wrong way. Again, having the opportunity to observe from far how my students could maintain their consistency in prayer and recite Quran is blessing too. They could learn from my experience in theory and work, but at some points I get to learn from them too.
Bismillah. Enjoy the process. Whatever the role and amanah is. No one said that it’s easy, but it can be done. Is it bring happiness, well it depends on how I can make my self enjoy it. Remember this!
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